Reasons For Wanting A Giraffe

To any sane person, it must seem obvious that the giraffe is probably the most superior of all land-based beasts (mythical or otherwise). However, I would like to take the opportunity to point out the benefits of having a giraffe in one's life. I feel this exercise will enlighten the common plebs that litter our land, as well as reaffirming the beliefs of those who already subscribe to the Church of the Great Giraffe in the Sky.

1. Never have to prune trees ever again.

The Giraffe's diet consists of twigs. Since pruning is a tiresome and lengthy process, a pet giraffe would be the ideal solution to the complex problem of overgrowth.

2. Never need a ladder again.

Breaking and entering can be a difficult thing to do. With a giraffe, you would no longer require a ladder. Instead, your pet could just grab you by the scruff of your neck and drop you on any rooftop you choose. It's a flawless plan, I can assure you.

3. Good for people who like kitty-cats.

I like kitty-cats a lot. However, they have a tendency to get stuck in trees and then big, masculine firefighters have to be called over to rescue them. This makes you look like a loser and gives the firefighters a chance to hit on your girlfriend. A giraffe would complete the task much faster and you wouldn't have to go out after to cruise singles bars for a new girlfriend.

4. Cruising singles bars for a new girlfriend.

A giraffe would also be useful in this situation because it could find all of the lonely girls dancing alone in the crowd for you. However, as girls don't like you, this probably won't make a difference.