A typical study session

Today is not the first day of study break but it is the first day that I have decided to study. My process is a convoluted and nuanced one that cannot be explained without special insight. Luckily, I am possibly the foremost expert on myself and can help explain how it work to you, the common pleb whom girls do not like.

Step 1. Find textbooks
Being as how I am not a demon or a were-animal, I keep my dwelling in a state of utter disarray. This creates nearly five times as many places to hide and gives me a strategic advantage in the case that said monsters attack while it is dark. Anyway, the one drawback to this method of survival is that small items are incredibly hard to find. This is especially true of textbooks that were bought in September and then dropped to the floor, still shrink-wrapped. The first step is to locate these, as studying is impossible to do without books. Lecture notes would also be useful but I use most of them to pad out my coat in the winter to prevent freezing to death, so to me, these are unreliable.

Step 2. Forage for food
Everyone knows that eating is required for survival. The next step is to find enough nourishment to break even with the energy about to be consumed using my very evolved brain. Hunting for food usually results in something along the lines of two toasted bagels, three apples, a five-pound ham, two litres of orange juice, a smoked fish and a half-litre bottle of sweet dandelion wine.

Step 3. Ritual dance
Obviously, at this point it is necessary to give thanks to the primal gods and goddesses of the kingdom. I usually employ the traditional kubi-kubi dance to gain their favour. This helps focus my spirit, gains the sacred power required to study and, as a side effect, makes me hungry enough to finish the foraged food.

Step 4. Begin studying
I usually do this by losing interest in the books altogether. Often, I take this opportunity to nap, be distracted by the internet or drink dandelion wine until I am blind.

Step 5. Study break
Everyone needs to take a break from working hard ever once and a while. I find that this is a good time to update my blog or do something even more trivial and pointless. The idea is to relax your brain and not to think anything intelligent.

Step 6. Study more
Repeat "Step 4."

Step 7. Sleep
Falling asleep is easy after working so hard. I am now sure to get a good mark on my final. Hopefully this guide has given you a good idea of how I study. It is a proven method that works in some cases.