Ways to tell if your friends are demons

Demons are all around us, hiding in petunia vases and under throw rugs. You must always be on guard just in case one of them tries to steal your soul, in order to damn you to the lowest circle of hell, or your hair (it is a well known fact that all demons love to eat hair). However, truly clever demons know that hiding in petunia vases will only get them so far. These demons will attempt to become your friend in order to gain your trust. Here are some tips for how to tell if your friends are demons.

1. People who don't like giraffes
Demons do not like giraffes. This is a proven fact though no one actually knows why. Personally, I choose to believe that they are jealous of creatures with long necks as demons themselves have very short, stubby necks.

2. Were-Animal extremists
Were-Animals are extremely dangerous but there are many who believe them to be useful to society. These people are clearly trying to introduce a blight unto humanity and therefore must be demons.

3. People who blink a lot
Demons are made up of 5% water, 50% sulfur, 33% gasoline, 1% gold and 12% pure rage. This controversially adds up to 101%, but demons are also well known for being poor at math. Anyway, as they have little water in their bodies, demons are forced to blink far more often than humans.

4. People with red eyes in photos
Technology has developed to the point where a demon can be revealed by a colour photograph. If a person has red eyes in a photo, they are a demon. The red eye is caused by the reflection of light off of their anti-soul.

5. People who like to go out in the sun
Any sensible and intelligent person knows that traveling during daylight, when the sun is out in full force, is foolish. Demons, however, are not harmed by the sun's deadly rays. This is why you should never trust anyone that is tanned. They are probably a demon.

6. People named Stanley
Everyone I've ever met whose name was Stanley has turned out to be a demon.

7. Firefighters
Only a demon would be drawn to fire in the way that firefighters are. Also, they steal your girlfriend so they must be evil.

8. Girls who say they like you
Girls don't like you. Any girl that says she does must be a demon. Don't trust them.

Good luck out there.